The Ring
When Philippe and I got married, I didn’t want an engagement ring. I actually didn’t want to wear a ring at all. It’s complicated…let me see if I can explain succinctly.
When I married my first love at age 24 (whom I met at age 17), he was very into the ring and jewelry thang, and I went along with it—even though my spirit didn’t feel quite right with the whole focus on material things.
It meant a lot to him and he meant a lot to me so I didn’t speak my truth—at the time.
That would change, with time and lots of yoga.
So back in the day, I had an engagement ring and a wedding ring, and then Andy continued to buy me beautiful “jewels” throughout our ten-year marriage.
It was his thang, like it was his father’s thang before him.
But they never quite fit.
Energetically.
I felt oddly confined by them—claustrophobic. A harbinger of things to come….
They were given from love, though; so I was grateful, and let it go.
When I married Philippe, he wore a ring from day one of our Spiritual Union, and loved it.
I, on the other hand, felt that I didn’t want to be “branded” and feel like I “had” to wear this loaded symbol that said this or that about me and stood for so many different things to so many people.
I also wanted to support the many single people out there who feel triggered by rings and such (I have Super friends who tell me about this), and it just felt right for me to be ring-less.
Philippe was down with this, and that’s how it went.
In comes Kelly, our beloved photographer/student/dear friend, who tells me all about the diamond mines and what they’re really about. About the child slavery. About the bad stuff that goes down in the name of these “gemstones” that we’ve all been brainwashed are “the real deal.” (Google it if you’re interested, and make sure it’s not right before bedtime because it’s very upsetting.)
It occurred to me that this is part of the reason diamonds always felt uncomfortable to me—my spirit felt this energy.
I read up on the whole diamond industry debacle and was very sad for what has happened and is happening, and vowed to boycott diamonds (for myself—I don’t feel offended if other people wear them, and chances are they don’t know about the whole situation or they wouldn’t be).
This all fit rather nicely with my “no ring policy.” (LOL).
Then one crisp autumn day we were strolling down Saint Marks Street in the East Village of Manhattan after teaching at our PRANA POWER YOGA NYC studio, and I came upon the sparkliest, most beautiful thing EVER.
(Now, I never said I didn’t like SPARKLES. In fact, it’s all about sparkles and glitter for this Supermom, and her kids.)
It was a big ‘ole cubic zirconia “engagement” ring (some sort of “cut” that is classic, although I’m not well-versed in that nomenclature so couldn’t tell you which one), with a matching “wedding” band to boot. Girl, these things were so sparkly that they drew me right in.
I exclaimed to Philippe, “I love these!”
“Get em!” he said with a smile.
So $32 dollars later, I was wearing the most sparkly and happy rings EVER.
And LOVING THEM.
Now these felt right.
These felt fun.
These felt sparkly.
And oh-so-ironically, I felt (and still do) that these rings are prettier/more sparkly than any diamond I’ve ever seen.
I was at peace with these rings—even on my “ring finger!”
Flash forward a week later; back in the state of Massachusetts….now for THIS I was unprepared.
Donning me new sparkly gems, my students were taken aback. They would be talking to me, and then their eyes would wander to my rings and they’d literally stop talking and lose their train of thought.
Only a few had the courage to say “OMG! What are those?!”
(Girl, I told you these rings were big and sparkly.)
I was at a loss for words (unusual for Supermom).
There was so much history—so much to say/to explain. Did I start way back at age 24? At the discovery of the diamond child slave situation? At my feminist views on ring wearing that had changed oh-so-abruptly that fall day on St. Marks Place?
It was so surprising (and bizarre) to me how differently people treated me while I was wearing this rings.
I guess they thought I was wearing a 50k diamond (if it were a diamond, it would be at least 50k—this ring is BIG! LOL), and somehow this “changed” me?
I became confused, at best.
I began thinking about how big diamond companies have truly brainwashed a whole country. I mean, I do actually like how CZ’s look better than diamonds; yet, a CZ is considered “fake.”
Fake compared to what?
Who decided that diamonds are “precious?” Are they precious because so many children’s/people’s lives are ruined while mining them? Are they precious because they made a few big diamond companies very, very wealthy? (Not that there’s anything wrong with abundance) Is that what makes a stone “precious” and “of high value?”
I’ve always had my different ways of looking at the world, so it’s no surprise that herein lays another way that I beg to differ.
As I wear my rings now (when I feel like it), I am proud to know that I wear them for my own reasons, and not because a big huge company spent a lot of money brainwashing a country that one thing was prettier than another, at the cost of treating both children and adults inhumanely at best. I wear them because they are sparkly and remind me of the light of the Universe, the light that shines within each one of us. I wear them because they remind me of that chilly Autumn day in the East Village of Manhattan, when my beloved spiritual partner said without hesitation “Get em!” because he saw the sparkle in my eye, reflected in my new purchase on my ring finger. I wear them because they are fun.
Also, I would personally rather put 32 dollars toward my sparkly rings and put the 50k toward opening another PRANA CAFÉ or PRANA POWER YOGA. Not that there’s anything wrong with 50k rings, you Super people out there who don ‘em. The key is that it needs to feel RIGHT and GREAT for you. For me, it never quite did.
And on a similar note, for all of you diamond wearers out there (OMG, I can just see the emails and comments now), rock on! Girl, I was wearing a diamond back in the day (before I knew how it had been mined by child slaves) and I do not judge anyone or anything. Period. That’s my yoga.
If you love it and it makes you happy, that’s what matters.
I’m sharing my story because Sister, the comments that I hear through the grapevine about my rings—told to others, never straight to my face (“Did you SEE Taylor’s rings?! What’s happening to her?! They’re so not her!”), made me feel it was time to speak my truth about how/why/when they came about and more importantly, spread the word about something very bad going down in diamond mines at this very moment– many miles away.
And as with any experience, I asked myself “what’s the lesson here? What do I have to learn? What do I have to do differently?”
To which my spirit replied quickly, clearly, and succinctly: do, write, wear, eat, have, and be what you love and don’t worry or even think about “the peanut gallery.” When you are following your heart, you are always on the right path. Always. No matter what you do/say/are, you can’t please everyone, so listen to your heart and watch everything fall right into place easily, as it should.








October 26th, 2009 at 8:21 am
I like this post. Probably because it speaks to me in a similar…yet different way. I have always loved diamonds. The sparkle, the meaning behind my ring…etc. I found when I taught yoga, I would start to leave my ring/rings at home, because I was “judged”. Why would someone so into yoga fall into such a materialistic group? Well judging in ANY form is wrong. I am still a good person, and I give to others, time, money, and love. I still believe in the power of good thoughts and family. I have not put my family in debt or loss from the purchase of these rings. So I can understand where you’re coming from when you felt this “evil eye” when wearing your rings, real or not!!! We all have our own path, and no one knows our journey. And THAT’S what the yoga is about!
October 26th, 2009 at 12:03 pm
I am finding a tremendous amount of peace and happiness in your website. Although I have been a nearly 100% vegan for 2 years (a few dairy slip-ups), and have dabbled in raw foods but do drink a Breville made green juice almost daily, I haven’t enjoyed the peace and joy that seems to be out there for those with the right frame of mind. Being a control freak (ER doctor, 3 kids) I like to think I have power over how things work out. Recently, prior to trying for baby #4, I even listened to the Law of Attraction, read the Secret and really thought I had the deliberate creation thing down pat. Last week, 9 weeks into a quickly created pregnancy (first month trying) I had the misfortune of finding out it was a non-viable pregnancy. Reading your blogs this weekend I really found bits here and there that helped to put things in perspective. I am a veteran at this problem (m/c #6) but today came back into the world with more happiness, joy and peace than I have felt in awhile. I even made the trip to the Prana Cafe and enjoyed the joyful atmosphere while my two girls played. I am ordering the yoga DVD but don’t live close enough to make a class a regular habit. Today as I get ready to go back to work, worried about the folks who will think “why doesn’t she give up? She has 3 kids. 6 m/c’s! Hello….” I love your line about the peanut gallery and following your own heart. Deep down, I believe persistence always wins and will put myself out there once again for baby #4 whose spirit is close, just waiting to join our family. Keep up the good work.
October 26th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
Your website always bring great joy and perspective to my life, especially when things seem gray and my energy is at it lowest point. Your articles and your life are inspiring. I always feel injected with strength and hope after reading. May God’s Light always bless you and your family and thank you SO much for sharing your stories.
October 26th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
I resonate so deeply with this post … I have often wondered why diamonds haven’t gone the way of ivory, especially now that we can manufacture synthetic diamonds that are chemically, physically and optically identical to naturally occurring ones (the naked eye can not distinguish a synthetic diamond from a De Beers diamond – it requires a special spectroscopic device.
On the other hand, if we’re gonna bash diamond-wearers, let’s go after banana-eaters while we’re at it. The problem with diamonds has nothing to do with how rare, precious, beautiful, and expensive they are, rather with how they are sourced, with who profits, etc.
The cheapest fruit in our supermarkets happens to be the least fairly traded crop on the planet.
If the judgment were about the ethics of the diamond industry, it would be one thing, but I fear it’s not that, rather a judgment of how a sistah spends her hard-earned money – none of any of our business.
October 28th, 2009 at 10:11 am
Last year while in a graduate school course, a classamte leaned over to me and said, “You’re aware of how much pain that ring on your finger caused, aren’t you?” I was shocked, not because I was unaware of the horrors of the diamond industry, (I purposely chose a conflict-free canadian diamond when I got engaged), but because the woman was so judgemental and hateful, and how quickly her perception of me changed, despite the fact that we had discussed many ethical issues in class, and generally agreed with each other. One glance at my ring, and she saw me as an entirely different person.
If anyone is interested in purchasing non-conflict diamonds I highly recomend this website: http://www.brilliantearth.com/.
October 29th, 2009 at 8:54 am
Taylor!
I have learned at the very tender age of 23 (when I had my first baby, and was judged as having no ambition, of being uneducated, or as having taken that shotgun trip down the aisle, because “you know, no one has kids THAT young anymore” LOL) to NEVER listen to the gallery…’those who matter won’t mind and those who mind don’t matter’ has long been my motto, and though there have been many times when I have allowed the negativity and the peanut people in, I have stuck to my basic rule…that is to surround myself with “real” people…those who share their lives with me, but also care enough to ask about how mine is going, people I laugh with, cry with, the friends who love me enough to tell me if I am wrong, or if I am being an ass, and the very same who can take the same heartfelt (but well meaning and protective) criticism from me! I have carved my way and found my true friends and they are a blessing…
*Another note… I have a kindly mined in diamond! They may be smaller, but I have to say, every time I look down at my finger, I see the night that Dave proposed and I smile….I am so not a “bling” chick but my ring (designed by me), fills my heart…my babies loved to see the sparkle and squealed with delight when I allowed them to try it on! My ring has been on my sisters finger, and that of friends, both in funny and serious circumstances, it was blessed by our priest when we vowed to be together forever…
I am happy to hear that you are having fun with your bling:)
October 29th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Funny – diamonds are NOT a rare commodity. They are just sparkley dirt, and not even worth that much. Their ridiculous prices are set by the De Beers company, and set by the fact that people THINK they are something special!
November 1st, 2009 at 7:00 am
Much gratitude to all for your wonderful comments/posts and emails on THE RING.
It was fun for me to write, and even more fun for me to read what you all had to say about the topic.
I think it’s wonderful to begin a dialogue about this and other things that are frequently not talked about.
Most importanly, remembering that everyone has their right to and deserves their own opinion on this and all matters–that’s the beauty of the Universe! We are all so beautifully unique.
And when we come from judgment–in any situation–it drains our energy and shifts our vibration from high to…not as high.
Have the best November ever!
Namaste!
Taylor
December 1st, 2009 at 10:30 am
thank you so much for writing this! i am also a yoga teacher and i am also am aware of the whole “blood diamonds” situation. i am getting married to my boyfriend very soon. we purposefully have made our wedding plans very simple; we are getting married by a justice of peace here in toronto, and we have chosen very simple wedding bands made by a local designer for our little ceremony.
recently, my wonderful boyfriend surprised me with a beautiful diamond engagement ring. i was not expecting it at all. my boyfriend actually helped design the ring and it fits my finger and my style perfectly. as gorgeous as this ring is, i did initially have a bit of personal struggle with it. one reason is because of the whole diamond mining industry. i try to make conscious efforts to support industries that do not cause harm to anyone or anything. the other reason was because i did felt little “marked”. i almost felt as though a part of my freedom was gone. i realized that my boyfriend’s heart was in the right place, and he is not aware of the diamond mining situation, and he is also not trying to take away my freedom in any way. the second part of my dilemma was something i needed to work out for myself.
i found out that my boyfriend had worked with another local designer for this ring, and the diamonds are canadian diamonds. ethically, this ring fits with my “locavore” mentality. i also found personal peace about the whole freedom thing. i now just wear the ring as a beautiful piece of jewelry. it was made thoughtfully for me and reminds me of my wonderful man and his love for me. i wear it as i wear any other piece of jewelry- whenever i want to wear to, and generally not when i teach or practice (not out of judgement– more out of functionality).
and i too, have found sparkly-ring peace as a yogi.
reading this article made me realize that i am not alone in this struggle, and i thank you for that!
namaste!