Why I Stopped Being A Label

 

“Don’t worry that children never listen to you;

worry that they are always watching you.”

 

~Robert Fulghum

 

 

I used to have a whole thing written on this page about being 100% raw vegan.  We were raw vegan for seven years.  Then on July 6, 2011 we stopped being a label.  Here’s how it went down.

 

It started with my children.

 

I operate from my heart most of the time, but where my children are concerned, it’s 100% of the time. This was no different.  And where the heart is concerned, when you are really operating straight from your heart and Spirit, there is clarity and speed.

 

We were taking a ferry to Nantucket with our plus 5.  My husband Philippe and I were very sick, had fevers, and hadn’t slept or eaten much in days.  We *never* get sick.

 

On the ferry a Super-mom came up to me and said, “Oh my God!  I love your blogs and Prana Power Yoga!  And I have twins too!  And they’re Dakota and Montana’s age!”

 

And there they were.  Her twins.  Except I was confused . . . they were about as tall as Philippe.

 

I never compare my kids to other people’s kids.  This Super-mom has learned that that only leads to suffering.  But this––this caught my attention.

 

Enter Super-mom number two a few minutes later.  She essentially said the exact same thing, showed me her (ginormous) twins, and my stomach dropped.

 

Then, I kid you not, a third Super-mom approached me on that (one hour!) ferry ride, said she loved my blogs and Prana, and had . . . twins my twins’ age.  At this point I looked around for a camera. “Do they still film candid camera?” I wondered.  There were no cameras.  This wasn’t a joke.  In a one-hour period three women had approached me with twins my twins’ age, yet their twins were all much bigger than Create THE BEST LIFE EVER

mine.  My heart sank and my stomach ached.  I fought back tears as I told myself what I believe, “All kids grow at their own rate and in their own time.  Don’t compare. That’s ridiculous.”

 

My mind fought back, “I’ve never once even thought about my (other three older) kids being ‘little.’  They were always big and healthy­­­­––a size bigger than their ‘actual age’ in clothes.  Hmmmm, but wait, not Phoenix, come to think of it.  My (then) 4-year-old who’s been raw vegan since birth.  Only my girls who ate everything with no restriction were like that.”

 

I told myself that it was OK, that I was sick and weak and emotional. Tomorrow I’d feel better and be clearer.  I would wait for the muddy waters to settle (The Tao).

 

The next day, I wouldn’t have believed it if I weren’t there myself . . . the Universe sent me another Super-mom with twins my twins’ age.  Same story.  Same drop in my stomach.  Except this time we were at a beach club celebrating my niece’s birthday, and my father in law pointed out loudly, “Wow!  They’re only a week apart?”

 

He didn’t say the obvious, that her twins were huge and half again as big as mine, but it was hangin there like a silent bubble on a cartoon.

 

I made it to the car before bursting into tears and turned to my husband and said, “Our kids are no longer raw vegan.”

 

“Whuuuut?!” gasped Philippe.

 

“Did you see those twins?” I asked incredulously.  “That’s the 4th time that that’s happened to me in 24 hours!  The Universe is speaking, loud and clear.  And I’m listening!”

 

Philippe started to go into a diatribe about how in this country, kids eat lots of hormones, and so they’re bigger, but I jumped right in and said, “We live in this country!”  And our boys live with kids in this country and at this rate, they’re gonna be 5 feet tall at age 17 and say, ‘Hey, thanks, Mom!’  Philippe, you’re 6 feet tall and I’m 5 foot 7. They should be bigger.”

 

My husband paused, and then said something he don’t say often, “I’m sorry. You’re right.”

 

“There’s no longitudinal research about raw vegan kids!” I continued, “and we don’t know any 100% raw vegan kids.  What does that say?”

 

Philippe and I had lived two years as raw vegan ourselves before putting our kids on a raw vegan lifestyle, to make sure it was all it was cracked up to be; but in the now, in that moment, the answer, and the path, was clear.

We got back to the little beach house we’d rented and put the twins down for a nap, chatting all the while excitedly.  “What are we gonna feed them?” I asked.  Remember, it had been seven years since we’d eaten anything besides raw vegan food.  “Lots of dairy and meat with lots of hormones, “ Philippe quipped.  “That’s why all the kids in this country are so big.”  He was kidding, sort of.  “Well, we don’t have to do that,” I said.  “I was thinking . . . cheerios?”

Then I asked Philippe if it was OK for me to tell his family.  They were all waiting back at the beach club for me to return for lunch and a part of me felt like I was dreaming.  Were we really doing this?  Was it really happening?  I also come from a trauma history and as a child there were lots of secrets in my family of origin, so I’m sure that had something to do with it.  “Sure!” Philippe said cheerfully, and off I went to the club, to tell his family the big news.

I ran up to Philippe’s mom, sister, and Madison, our then 13-year-old daughter, all sitting kiddie poolside and burst into tears (again).  “What is it?” they all asked.  I told them the whole story between sniffles and quiet sobs.  Madison hugged me and said, “Mom, I’m so proud of you.  You followed something you really believed in even though no one else was doing it.  You followed your heart.  It was way harder to be raw vegan for the last seven years than to eat a standard American diet.  Now, you’ve had a strong intuition and you are immediately changing your plan.  You aren’t saying, ‘Oh, I’m right, this is right,’ and trying to prove you’ve been right.  You are just cleaning the slate and beginning again right now.”

I stared at Madison, wise beyond her years, said thank you, and then told her that of course I would change any plan once I had any inkling that it wasn’t goin well.  The moment I had such inkling.  It wasn’t about ego; it was about the health and happiness of my children, as it would be for any Super-mom.

We sat down for lunch and Phoenix, then age 4, ordered first, “Caesar salad, no croutons, please, and a water.”  “Phoenix,” I whispered, “You can order anything that you want.  You don’t have to get a Caesar.”  “But Momma, it cooked,” he explained sweetly.  “I know, Phoenix, but you can eat anything you want on the menu from now on.  You can eat anything you want.  No more raw vegan.”  “But Momma, it cooked,” he continued.  “I know, love.  You can eat cooked now.  You can eat anything.  No more labels.  No more restriction.”

“Grilled cheese with a side of fries!” he squealed to the waitress without skipping a beat.

That kid ate his whole plate and just about licked it clean.  And for two weeks, eating became his hobby.  He’d eat three bowls of cereal with rice milk, a croissant, and a waffle for breakfast and we’d bike to the beach club where he’d announce, “Momma, I hungry” (less than an hour after breakfast).  “OK,” I’d say with a smile, “What do you want Hon?”

What didn’t he want?  He had four years to catch up on.

My mother in law, Swiss and not a fan of eating between meals, was not amused as I said yes to his every eating desire.  “Just give him time,” I explained.  “He just needs time.”

He was eating a lot, but not eating fearfully and compulsively.  He was hungry.

Sagey, age 7, was the same way, but not quite as intense as Phoenix.  She had eaten cooked food till she was three and I think that was the difference.  She had also eaten cooked food at parties, play dates, etc.  Phoenix had been raw vegan all his life.

After about two weeks Phoenix’s eating calmed to a “normal roar.”  I think he’ll always be a “good eater”––all my kids have great appetites––but now he fully understands that he can eat anything and everything that he wants now and forever.

On that fateful day––July 6, 2011––the day we decided that our kids were no longer raw vegan, I was swimming laps at our beach club and happily planning all the fun meals I was going to make for my kids.  “I’ll make them chocolate chip pancakes every morning!  I’ll make stir fry veggies and tofu over brown rice!  I’ll make egg white Why I Stopped Being A Label

omelets and home fries!”  Then it hit me.  “Wait a minute,” I thought, “I wanna eat chocolate chip pancakes with my kids.  I wanna eat stir-fry with them.  I miss egg white omelets.  I don’t wanna be the ‘weird’ Mom who don’t eat what her kids eat . . . .”

Wait a minute . . . ”Did I just say ‘I miss egg white omelets?”  I had never missed anything cooked the seven years we’d been raw vegan.  Yet, as I swam, I recalled that the day we got to Nantucket, while browsing in the Sconset Market, my eyes noticed a box of Aunt Jemima pancake mix on the shelf and I said out loud (to no one), “Those pancakes look good.”  The woman standing next to me laughed and said, “Yes!  They do!”  A coincidence?  I don’t believe in em.

I scooted back to our little rented beach house, burst into the front door, and announced to Philippe, “I am no longer raw vegan!  I wanna eat chocolate chip pancakes with my kids!  I wanna eat an egg white omelet!  I wanna get nachos and beer with you—tonight!”

In a moment I will remember for the rest of my life, Philippe didn’t skip a beat, smiled, and said, “Yeaaaahhhhhh!”

That night we all went out to dinner in town.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen my in laws so happy as we all ordered just about everything:  an egg white omelet, chocolate chip pancakes, macaroni and cheese, nachos, beer, soup, salad (yes, still salad!) and so on.  Thank goodness that place served breakfast round the clock.

I gotta say, that food tasted goooood.  I tasted a little bit of everything.  Then as we walked around Nantucket and shopped, I said to Philippe, “I feel fine!  I don’t feel sick!”

While we were raw vegan I often said that I wished I could eat mostly raw but eat some cooked food as well since I felt it was more balanced, easier, and best for your body because your body could then handle and digest everything.  Philippe and I also joked that your body would then be grateful for the really good raw vegan food when you ate it.  Instead of just expecting it.

But I had learned that my sensitive digestive system couldn’t handle it.  The few times I’d tried to eat cooked food (at a wedding once and when I was pregnant a few times when I had cooked food cravings); I’d been plagued with flu symptoms for weeks at worst and a pounding headache for days at best.  I thought that eating raw vegan would make my digestive system stronger but it seemed to do the opposite.  If I ate raw vegan I felt great, but my body couldn’t handle anything else.  This had always been a disappointment to me in regards to the raw vegan lifestyle, but I chalked it up to my sensitive digestion.

Well, now I felt fine.  No headache.  No flu symptoms.  Wow.  The incredible power of the mind.

The next morning I still felt fine.  I had some mucous in my nose from the dairy, but was unfazed.  I blew my nose a few times and declared that it was worth it for those delicious nachos, and the freedom to eat anything.  I’m not a huge fan of cheese anyway, but from now on my motto is anything I love in moderation (the 3rd Component for creating the best life ever in my book).

The weeks that followed were fun and exciting.  A new time for my family and me.  We were trying foods we hadn’t eaten in years and Phoenix and our twin babies were eating foods they hadn’t ever eaten in their whole lifetimes.

It was also cool to see how our bodies crave and create balance.  For example, the day after the first dinner out eating everything, my body craved greens and Spirulina.  It wasn’t a decision I’d made in my mind or a restriction; it was just what I felt like eating.  The whole time I’d been raw vegan I thought that I wasn’t restricting.  I ate raw vegan chocolate cake and ice cream pretty much every day and reasoned that I never saw women who weren’t raw vegan eating sweets like that daily (they mostly don’t allow themselves to as far as I can tell).  But lemme tell ya, once there was no more label, I saw that there had been restriction.

I knew by the way I felt when I was no longer a label.  One word:  FREE.  That’s the best way to describe the feeling I was enjoying and intend to enjoy from now on.

Do I still love raw vegan food?!  You bet!  Do I eat it all the time?  Absolutely!  Do I also love other cooked foods?  Yes ma’am and sir!

Once I started eating everything, I was surprised to learn that there had been foods Why I Stopped Being A Label

I’d been missing for the last, ahem, 7 years, and also surprised by what they were:

-Steamed broccoli

-Steamed spinach

-Stir-fried broccoli

-Sautéed spinach

-Eggplant cooked any way

-Stir fried mushrooms and onions

-Steamed artichokes

-Big salads with the above cooked veggies on top

 

Philippe and I laughed that I was “Mmmm Mmmmm-ing” most with steamed veggies and big salads with steamed veggies on top and raw Caesar dressing.  “You missed steamed broccoli the most!” Philippe laughed.

 

I also realized that I had missed:

 

Peanut Butter

Gluten free chocolate chip pancakes

Gluten free muffins.

True Whip (a “cool whip” without high fructose corn syrup)

Margaritas on the rocks with salt

Nachos

Gluten free pancake batter (I prefer it to the pancakes)

Gluten free muffin batter (I prefer it to the muffins)

Peanut butter frozen yogurt with chocolate jimmies
Yeah, I thought I wasn’t restricting, but as this list grew, I realized, yes, Super-mom, you were restricting.  Unconsciously.  Because although I would eat raw vegan foods to my heart’s content, including all of the desserts, the bottom line is that whenever you say “no” to something, you are including it in your vibration (according to the Law of Attraction).

I also believe that when you’re grounded and in balance, your body produces whatever it needs to remain healthy and strong.

So I felt free.  Something I already thought I was, but apparently not.

When we returned from Nantucket a few weeks later, the kids and I took our maiden voyage to Whole Foods.  Our first time since we were no longer a label.

We spent two hours going up and down those aisles, looking at all the new things that have come out in the last 7 years.  There’s a lot!  Especially in the gluten free area.  We are big fans of gluten free because we like the taste as much or more and it’s easier to digest and better for you.  We are not “gluten free”—no more labels—but it’s fun to see what’s out there now and mix it up.

That cart was soooo full and I was scared to see the total at the checkout.  While raw vegan, my kids would have “ooooohed and ahhhhhed” over the watermelon, cantaloupe, apples, and grapes, but now mumbled, “No thanks” when I suggested we buy some produce.  I let it go.  I wanted to give them time.

That ginormous cart of food cost half what our food used to cost at Whole Foods when we were raw vegan.  Shows you how much cheaper processed foods are, which is a big problem for the health of our country.  No restriction, but balance is key.  Everyone should be able to afford to buy a pear or a bunch of grapes people.

The second time we went to Whole Foods, we were in and out in 15 minutes.  Kinda like Phoenix stopped eating 24/7 after a few weeks.

We’ve now been living label-free for almost a year and I feel great.  I actually have more energy than ever and I chalk that up to one thing:  freedom.  Freedom=Prana=Joy=Energy.

My body has become stronger and better able to handle anything.  I can eat anything, in moderation, and feel great.  I can even drink margaritas, which I did at my birthday dinner at an authentic Mexican restaurant that my friend owns.  Them were some strong margaritas, and I awoke the next morning with . . . no hangover.  I’m not advocating alcohol consumption per se, but everything you love, in moderation.

After seven years of living a raw vegan lifestyle, I feel that the means had become the end.  Raw food was supposed to make us healthier and stronger but in the end it became the end.  It became a prison.  In fact, our bodies became more sensitive and needed foods to be prepared “just so” to feel optimal.  This was annoying and restricting at best.  We thought we’d be super human digesters, like when you work out and get strong and have more endurance, but it didn’t work the same way with our digestive systems.  In the end our bodies couldn’t handle anything but super clean raw vegan food.  And then it’s not a choice.  It’s a must.  And that’s a prison.

Anything can become a prison.  Zen living can even become a prison if you must do this, this, and that.  In the end, it’s supposed to be a tool and you’re supposed to be able to go beyond the “rules.”

In the end, anything you’re doing to enhance your life and create the best life ever is supposed to be a tool and you’re supposed to be able to go beyond “the rules.”  You’re supposed to be able to be flexible.  To have balance and moderation.  And choice.  This is freedom.

It’s all about balance.  We had always said to “add in” and do as much raw vegan as you wanted to, that it wasn’t about being a label or being 100% raw vegan, unless you specifically wanted that, and even then, I would ask my consulting clients, friends, and students if that was really what they wanted.  I explained to them that I had always wished I could play the edge and eat mostly raw and some cooked foods, but my body “wouldn’t let me.”

In the end I learned that it was my mind that wouldn’t let me.  My physicality then backed up my beliefs.  I got myself one strong mind, as do you.  Anything is possible, if you believe.

My body is now thanking me for this lifestyle change.  It’s wicked grateful when I give it green juice, for example.  After drinking three green juices every morning for years, I went cold turkey with no green juice for over two months because I’d given away my juicer when we built our restaurant (which we sold in the fall of 2011) and I just didn’t feel like getting another.  Instead I ate a lotta Spirulina, which I craved and was much easier to get my hands on than green juice.

Now I’m drinking green juice again when I feel like it and my body is so thankful, soaking it up like a sponge.  But I’m not freaked out if green juice isn’t available.  The panic is gone.  A panic I didn’t even know was there.  It takes a lot of energy to panic!  All that energy now goes to creating the best life ever.  Manifesting my dreams.

I’ve noticed too that when I drink green juice it balances out when I eat something not quite as healthy.  It’s all about balance.  And gratitude.  And I have multiplied these two things in my life since deciding not to be a label anymore.  It took making a huge lifestyle change and facing my fear in service of and to my five children.

Have my kids grown more and faster since eating everything?  Hell yeah.  Sagey (now age 8) grew two inches in the first two weeks after letting go of the label.  Phoenix (age 4 at the time)?  1.5 inches.  They both filled out more and still love a good Caesar salad and smoothie.

We still offer them “balance” with every meal (a raw fruit or veggie).  But there ain’t no more restriction.

The twins started walking almost immediately after the lifestyle switch and have been growing like weeds ever since.  Who knows if the walking was due to the food.  But I’m just sayin.

When I was anorexic in college it felt like my world kept getting smaller.  Can’t eat this.  Can’t do that.  Can’t drink this.  Can’t do that.  Eventually I had so many rules it was stifling.  A prison.  In the end, the label of 100% raw vegan became a prison as well.

I don’t believe in mistakes or regret.  I’m grateful to the Universe that we were able to walk the raw vegan path, learn our lessons, and fork in a different direction immediately when the intuition arose.  I’m so grateful that my children are so healthy and strong, growing well, and loving all types of foods.  I am grateful that we are all now truly free and that from this learning, Component 3 of creating the best life ever was born.  To learn about the other 2 Components and how to create THE BEST LIFE EVER, read Super-mom.com, Best Life Ever on the Boston Herald, and check out my book, Create The Best Life Ever.

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