He Said/She Said
“He said that you said….”
“She said that you said….”
“I’m so hurt that you said….”
Ever been in the middle of a he said/she said mishap?
Girl, if not, kudos to you.
If so, lemme give you some well-deserved advice.
(Take what you want, and leave the rest!)
Years ago, he said/she said gossip made its way into my aura and life a lot more than it does now.
With all of the people I teach and all of the people I consult with and all of the people I see and interact with on a daily basis, one could say “he said/she said” is “inevitable.”
But I’m here to tell you—it’s not.
I have a choice what and whom I draw into my aura and my experience and here are a few ways to insure that the “he said/she said silliness” stays out of your orbit:
1. Speak only the truth.
2. Speak the truth only to those whom you trust fully and completely.
3. Love all. Trust a few. Do wrong to none.
4. When others attempt to engage you in “he said/she said,” don’t engage—change the subject, say in no uncertain terms that you’re not interested in this dialogue, or just walk away.
5. When others come to you and say “he said that you said this” and/or “she said you did that” and it’s not true, resist the temptation to “defend” yourself. I put “quotations“ around defend because Sister, you ain’t defending nobody. You’re just wasting your time and energy. People are gonna believe what they want to believe based on many things that have absolutely nothing to do with you. So save your breath and your energy for higher purposes—like spreading the LIGHT and being of SERVICE to others.
6. When you learn that others have said untruths behind your back, take a deep breath in and out, send light and forgiveness to them, and FOCUS ON SOMETHING ELSE. Going over the situation in your mind countless times is not helpful. Doing so will only draw more of this darkness to you. Writing emails and/or texts stating your case is not helpful. This will also draw more of this darkness to you and girl, they’re not listening. If they were, they wouldn’t have said/believed it in the first place.
7. LEARN from your experience. After you’ve experienced your first painful hit of “hurt” (for some it feels like a drop in the stomach, others like a stab in their heart, others like a wave of nausea, and so on) and that feeling of utter disbelief (“But I thought she/he was my friend?! I trusted her/him. I believed her/him….”), chalk it up to LEARNING—to GROWTH. You are now wiser than you were before. Congratulations! You now know things about this person/these people that you did not know before this experience. And you drew this wisdom to yourself. So find GRATITUDE for your new wisdom. And then THINK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.
8. It’s all about the POWER of the FOCUS of your MIND. You have a choice. You have the power to focus on something that feels good, even if someone has done or said something that has made you feel bad. OWN YOUR POWER—USE IT.
9. Remember, you will not change other people’s opinions by trying to change their opinions/their beliefs with your words. No matter how well spoken/how charismatic/how smart/how kind you are—people are wedded to their beliefs for deep-rooted reasons, and mere words from you will not change them.
10. Instead, simply:
-Live in integrity.
-Send light and love in every situation.
-Don’t gossip.
- Speak the truth or say nothing at all.
-Speak with love or say nothing at all.
-Resist the desire to defend yourself.
-Don’t take anything personally–no matter how “personal” it seems/feels.
-Teach by your example, by the life you lead.
-Walk your talk.
-Use the power of the focus of your mind to think about things that bring you joy.
-Ask The Universe for help to move thoughts about the painful situation out of your body, mind, and Spirit.
When you follow these simple rules, you’re in the clear, Sister.
Anyone can say anything about you, and you are immune.
Because you KNOW that you are clean.
You KNOW that you are light.
You KNOW that it has absolutely nothing to do with you.
You KNOW that it’s not personal.
And as you live this way, day in and day out, the “he saids/she saids” will slowly but surely fade from your life.
Remember, you attract what you put out.
So if you give it no energy, it will have to disappear.
This is law.
February 8th, 2010 at 7:02 am
You know…the BEST lesson that my Dad ever taught me was that people decide who you are before you even open your mouth…in many (but not all), cases this is true. There is not one person out there who has looked at someone and “thought” that they knew what they were all about, based upon how they looked, what they wore, who they were with etc….we have all done it at one time or another. I try to challenge myself to be free and clear (and it ain’t easy sometimes)…to take people at face value and to never be convinced that I know where they are coming from! As a result I have made some of the dearest friends…some are very much like me in a lot of ways, some are so far off the stratosphere of my dress, mannerisms, etc. They are ALL a gift that I am SO thankful for!
February 8th, 2010 at 5:44 pm
This is so enlightening! It’s like me in a lot of ways it’s almost scary! Thank you for writing this! It’s helped me so much already!!
February 11th, 2010 at 1:13 pm
That is a great list, oh how I would have benefited from it many years ago! But I can still benefit from it today. Thank you for sharing!
February 17th, 2010 at 9:23 pm
Hi Super-people,
I think we all need reminders regularly to let this type of stuff go–to not buy into he said/she said drama and gossip.
And it just takes practice–like anything else.
It’s helping my 12-year-old daughter immensely in her 6th grade journey.
Namaste!
Taylor
February 20th, 2010 at 5:23 pm
That is great news Taylor…We are having the same stuff/conversations in our home…it DOES take practice, as does not focusing on things that have gone “wrong”!
This was a nice reminder that if we truly know ourselves no one can tell us who we are, or who to be!