“It’s always easier to fight for your principles than to live up to them.”

“Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing.”

“A leader leads by example, whether he intends to or not.”

“Your children need your presence more than your presents.”

Every mom is a super mom because being a mom requires learning how to put other people’s needs ahead of our own, and management skills – of our emotions, of other people, and of a home.

My four kids were born in seven years by the time I was 29 years old. This was a blessing and a challenge. After having three children in three and a half years, I realized two things: to surrender to their needs because we were outnumbered; and to get help through parenting groups.

My children have given me so many gifts that I feel privileged to be their mother. Even though raising our kids required a lot of work, time and money, the rewards are worth it.

The most valuable gift they gave me was to learn patience, to slow down and wait for them to learn. They were so patient with me while I learned parenting skills – how to set reasonable boundaries with them and be kind, firm and consistent. The journey was never smooth or straight. How boring would that be!?

Even though sometimes motherhood was overwhelming, I cherish the days I spent doing things together as a family – cooking, eating and cleaning up together; going places – as simple as taking walks or going to the pool; doing crafts and chores – yes, even chores; reading and playing together on a regular day; supporting each other; laughing and telling stories.

I did my best to love and support my children through every stage. I strived to be the best mother possible, which meant forgiving myself and them for being human. My goal was that they grow up strong and independent, able to love and be loved, to make good decisions, and to want to have a relationship with me. After age 18, it’s optional to have a relationship with parents.

Mine have chosen to have relationships with me now that they’re ages 23 to 30. They are still the most important thing in my life. They have given me a focus – to raise them, to learn positive parenting skills, and to share what I learned with other parents.

While my kids were growing up, I attended parenting support groups and then led them – following the saying, “You teach what you most need to know.” In 2010 I wrote a book on how chores teach the priceless gift of self-discipline. Learning to manage my children and sustain a positive relationship with them required me to learn the skills of a CEO – with a kind heart, a generous wallet and coaching them to believe, “You can do it.”

We taught each other, “You can do it.” Now I teach parents “You can do it.” Raising them has been the most instructive, challenging, rewarding, and fun task of my life, with the longest lasting consequences. We do give our kids roots and wings. It requires careful tending of the soil, with water, sun, and community, followed by the perilous journey of learning to fly. What an adventure.

Susan Tordella

Egg-ducator

K-12 Bullying awareness & prevention

www.fowlbehavior.net

“Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.”

With Sagey, now six, the same thing while she was a toddler, “Bottom in the chair, honey!”

Yet she’d still get up outta that chair and move about.

Phoenix just turned four.  As I was saying this very same phrase to him about a month ago, I noticed, to my surprise, that Super-mom herself was…not eating with HER bottom in the chair.  In fact, (gasp!) I was eating standing up at the counter.

Now I gots five kids Super-people, and so you KNOW why I was standin up.   It was only a matter of seconds before I would need to get up from the chair to get something/help someone/wait on someone, etc.  So why even bother sitting down?

Well!  This is why.

How’s my child ever going to put his/her bottom in the chair and eat sitting down if Mommy is eating standing up?

How did I ever expect my child to do the opposite of what I was doing?  We all know that kids do what we DO, not what we SAY. 

And how on earth did it take me all these years to notice this?

HUGE LOL.

That was Super-mom having a good laugh—at herself.

Not with judgment or frustration or even embarrassment (well, maybe just a little).

Just a good laugh for laughing’s sake.

How many times have I written or thought or said to walk your talk?

More times than I can recall.

Was I walkin my talk at meal and snack time?

Not even close.
Can I see this now and admit it and learn from it?
Absolutely!

And share it wit all my Sisters out there, too, because girlfriends, this is how we learn and grow and transform and…have a good laugh. 

We all have “that” thing—that thing that is our button or our “blind spot.”  Or, perhaps we have many…but we all got at least one.

So ask yourself right now Sister, “Where am I not walking my talk?  And why?”

And then get quiet and listen.

Awareness is key, and even if you’re super aware, or think you are, there are always places you can learn and grow.  We all can!  And that’s the fun part. The learning, the growing, the transforming.

One way to cultivate the awareness, the open-ness to feedback, the ability to see what you are looking at:  get on your yoga mat.  Often.

One of my very first yoga teachers, now a dear friend, used to say while he taught, “I see what I am looking at.”

For the life of me, I never understood what he meant.

Now I do.    (Thanks Rolf!)

So ask yourself, Super-people, “where am I not walking my talk and why?”

And when the answer comes, and it will, be compassionate and gentle with yourself.  Be kind to you.

It’s all just learning.

It’s just the path.

And it’s supposed to be fun.

So lighten up.  Laugh more.  Appreciate more.  All is well.

And get yo’ bottom in the chair the next time you eat. 

“What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear you speak.”

“The soul is healed by being with children.”

“Children are likely to live up to what you believe of them.”