Super-Mom, Lori J. Bruce

Am I a super-mom?  What I know for sure is that I try super hard.  For me being a super-mom means the following:

A super mom opens her heart to her children and lets them in completely.

A super mom knows the difference between disciplining because of fear and disciplining because of love.

A super mom will take care of herself so she can take care of her children.

A super mom reads the labels of food containers but does not label her children.

A super mom knows leaving her alcoholic first husband was the lesser of two evils.

A super mom can express the importance of balance.

A super mom does not care what the neighbors think; she cares what her children think.

A super mom knows that her child’s relationship with the universe is their path and cannot be controlled by a mother.

A super mom promotes peace and love through modeling.

A super mom practices how to breathe through a difficult moment.

A super mom forgives herself when she looks back and notices she could have handled a situation much better.

We are all super-mom’s if we keep trying not matter how hard it gets.

We are super-mom’s when we remember to find a reason to laugh, smile and bring happiness into the world of a child.

We are all super-mom’s when we are guided by pure honest love.

I will do my best to be a super-mom everyday!

Dakota Rose Callahan came to this planet on Christmas day 2009 at 4:18 am, and I will always remember that moment because she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

To create life is the greatest gift I have been given.  Every time I look at my baby girl, I am humbled.  It’s like you imagine what it’s going to be like, being a mom, all your life, or at least I did…  but when it actually happens it’s more beautiful than you could have ever imagined.

One thing that amazes me is that I can’t really remember what my life was like before Dakota.  When I think about it, the best way to describe it is that I was living in black and white, and now my world is filled with color.  I have been blessed to be able to stay home and raise her. For me, staying home, meant being her first teacher, her support, creating a little haven in our home for her, and most importantly to me, not missing anything.  Maybe not glamorous, and there are definitely days when I miss my share of adult conversation, however, I wouldn’t do it differently.  It’s all perfect.

Thank you to all the Supermoms who I have been able to watch and learn from. I am grateful and blessed to have crossed/walked paths with all of you!

Super-Mom Ali Frydman

When my daughter eats breakfast, she likes her booster seat to face me so that her toes can touch my knees. Once her toes meet my knees, her meal can begin. It was this way when she first began that famous rice cereal and breast milk concoction and it is this way now as she spoons her oatmeal, yogurt and applesauce all by herself.

For a while, my husband would ask me why I had to sit down with Ava as she ate. “You sit with her when you read to her, when you play with her, when you nurse her. Now is our chance to “get stuff done.” “Quick! Let’s move before she needs us again! There is laundry to fold and she won’t stay strapped in one place forever.” The minute I would rise, Ava would keep eating, but the rest of the day wouldn’t flow as well. So, I’d sit with her. Knees to toes.

When I do sit with her, I gain the most wonderful treasures – smiles, laughs, lots of first words, and even some sweet potato stained clothing. Amazing bonding times. A few weeks before Ava’s brother Noah was born, I was sitting with a fifteen month old Ava, but thinking about how our life would soon change, wondering how Ava would react to her new brother. In my mind, I saw her loving him with all her heart, but I began to worry about giving Ava a sibling when she was only sixteen months old herself. I was sitting there with her, but I was not as present as I could have been with my baby.

At that moment, Ava looked at me and pulled me in with her little hands for a big hug and sighed in her sweet little voice, “Oh Mama. Love you. Hug.” She taught me what my own super mom and yoga teachers had been trying to share all along. We did not need the perfectly manicured home, with instantly folded laundry. We did not need to drag our babies to a million different developmental classes. We do not need to fix our entire house right away. We just need to learn how to stay present with our children and each other. The rest will fall into place.

My daughter is now twenty-two months old. Her brother just turned six months old. She adores him. He idolizes her. We all work hard to stay present each moment. With work and other responsibilities, we all might not be able to sit together for every meal and love each other without external distractions, but we have set our intention to stay present. Sitting with my children, knees to toes, now serves as a daily physical reminder for someone who tried every way to become a super mom, but learned that truly being there in heart and soul was the authentic goal.

Super-Mom, Amy Lewis

When I asked to be Super-Mom of the month, I was a taken by surprise.  As I began to put some thought into what I might write, I remember my mother telling me that being a mother was the hardest, yet most rewarding job EVER.  I am only 3 years into it, and I would have to say she was right (although it pains me to say my mom is right!)   She told me how being a mother would completely change my life.  Well, that is an understatement!

I love being able to spend these years with my girls, although there are many times during many days where I think that I am not cut out for this.  Then, my 3 year old will hug me and say “I love you” or my 9 month old will flash the biggest smile and I realize that I can do this.  I love to watch my toddler at play with her toys and dolls and imagine what it would be like to be that “free” to play.  It really is a gift to have them in my life.

Motherhood has truly changed me.  I am now the person who cries at sad news stories involving children, has joined playgroups and signs up for toddler gymnastics.  I do take time for myself, as I feel that I am a better mom if I can do this.  I practice yoga once or twice a week in the studio (although I wish it could be every day), as this is where I really feel balanced and grateful for all that I have….an amazing husband, health, and two super kids.

I went from working full time in a profession that I loved, with people who I truly enjoyed spending every day with, to part time in the same position, to being a stay-at-home mom, to opening a portrait photography studio, specializing in babies and children.   It is surprising to see the change in myself.  I went from  being the person who thought kids were cute, but was never really “into” other people’s kids, to now LOVING the opportunity to photograph my clients’ children and capturing expressions and milestones that will be cherished forever.

I hope that I am setting a good example for my girls and nurturing them to grow into self confident and successful people.  While I am well aware that “Mother of the Year Award” is not one that I would ever receive, I will acknowledge being a super mom.   The house may not always be clean, and there are usually several baskets of laundry waiting to be put away (for a week!), however, my kids are healthy and happy.  That is the best accomplishment that I can achieve.  I think of what an amazing and giving mother that I have and only hope that I can give half as much to my girls.   As we approach Mother’s Day….I hope that you all celebrate what Super Moms you are!

Written by Super-mom, Susan Cabana

One moment can change ones life…

This was the “ one moment”

which would change the course of my life…forever.

On November 11, 2004, at the age of 37, my husband of 10 years died suddenly and I was left alone to raise three young girls ages 1, 3 and 5.

My husband’s death created a void in my soul that could not be filled.

In the first eighteen months following the loss, I was a vacant human shell.  I went through my daily routine like a programmed robot: preparing their meals, getting them ready for school and putting them to bed.  I could not see beyond a day.  I was not there for them emotionally. I was just going through the motions. I saw no hope.

There was a moment when I began to sense what was happening.  My girls started to lose their youthful energy and the gleam in their eyes.  I came to the realization that my girls were going to lose both parents if I didn’t find a way to pull myself out from the darkness. While my heart continued to ache it was clear as day that I must commit to healing myself.

I began instinctively with exercise. Running was a great outlet. I felt in control and it began to alleviate some gloom. I began to eat healthier and even was able to smile once in a while. The brief glimpse of light was short lived, however, as my job of 18 years with an investment company, my security blanket, was taken from me. I was layed off due to the failing economy and faced yet again another major life altering event.  I was determined, for my girl’s sake, to fight through the hopelessness and despair.

I bought my first yoga mat and religiously practiced. I heightened my awareness of food intake and educated myself on the benefits of nutrition.

One day during yoga in late February, right after losing my job, Taylor was teaching.  I was on my mat and felt as those she was talking directly to me.  I felt empowered.  I knew I needed to move forward towards something I felt passionate about.  The thought of going back to the world of finance was very depressing.  I talked with her after class and after telling her my story of the loss of my husband and job of 18 years she asked me two life altering questions.  The first, “what is it that you want to do?” And secondly, “What is stopping you from following your dream?”  It was in that moment that I knew what I needed to do.  I enrolled at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition to be a holistic health counselor and made the decision to be sign up for yoga teacher training in 2010.

Eating clean and doing yoga was life transforming.   In fact, I was more conscious and aware than ever before in my life.

Yoga was healing my soul and I was becoming my true self.

Losing my job was a gift.  I know I am on the right path!

Yoga meets you where you are.   I am growing from it everyday.  It gives has given me an opportunity to breath and create space.  It is an analogy to life, when challenges come up; you most use your breath to let go and know you have the power to get through it!

I realized that I had to experience darkness before I could see the light.  And I now know that the irony in life is that endings lead to new beginnings for those who seek them. I believe that you can heal yourself through eating well, yoga and positive thinking. A clear body, heart and mind bring much joy and love to ones life.

Super-Mom, Tory Leeman

Taylor emailed me and offered me a chance to contribute to Super-Mom.com.  I was packing up baby clothes that no longer fit Avery (then 19 months old).  The suggestion caught me by surprised.  What would I say to the supermoms?  How could I compare to their wisdom and experience?  It was then that I decided that this could not be about what I know but where I am.

In thinking of my 19 months of motherhood, I’m reminded of what I was doing when Taylor sent me that email.  I was packing up.  Maybe just onsies but it got me thinking about what motherhood is all about.  Maybe it’s about packing up as much as you can.  Time seems to move so quickly and weeks quickly turn into months. Months are now turning into years.  Each stage brings more joy and challenges.  What I miss in Avery’s newborn snuggle is wonderfully replaced with her ability to reach out for me and say “mama” and cuddle into my neck.

I try to take mental snap shots every now and then and I remember one day in June 2008.  Avery needed a lot of movement in her first few months and I had finally gotten her to sleep.  I collapsed onto our backyard hammock.  I swung slightly with my baby sleeping soundly on my chest and I laughed.  I felt so accomplished that after 2 hours of bouncing, my baby was resting and now I could as well.  I kissed her sweet and soft little head and took a deep breath.  I didn’t want this moment to end. That’s when I took the first shot.  Click.   And now, I have this mental catalog of shots.  They embody joy, peace, frustration, anxiety and awe.  Some make me laugh and others bring me to immediate tears.  But they are all packed up in my heart and ready to share with Avery and those who love her.

These snap shots are teaching me to slow down.  When I slow down, I take these shots.  I see the time passing.  I hold my hug a little longer.  This lesson will be ongoing for my husband and me because as most, we both work full time outside of our home.  There are plenty of nights we all come home and are tired, hungry and maybe crabby.  When the last thing we want to do is make dinner, return phone calls, unpack and repack the diaper bag or move the laundry along.  It’s then that we usually follow Avery’s lead.  Most of time we end up on the floor of her playroom and from there our evening begins.  Click.

Motherhood is a privilege beyond measure that has been bestowed upon me now that I am 40 years old. The greatest blessing I could ever wish for came true. Just when I thought that motherhood might pass me by; I met my husband and now I have my little Jade Rose.

Now that I am a mother, I realize that I have been “mothering” ever since I was a young girl. I was born the eldest in my family and the younger cousins naturally followed my lead. When my mother remarried, two more brothers came along: one brother at age 11 and the second at age 13. I became a big part of their care and upbringing.

In college I studied early childhood education and offered valuable insights to my mother. She took many of the ideas I shared and found that they were very helpful in her responsibilities as a parent. This began my journey over the next twenty years in education and wellness for families. Because I have been single most of my adult life, all of my energy has been dedicated towards the service of supporting families and children of all ages. I have a degree in public school education, am certified and taught Montessori for many years, and just completed my M.Ed. in Waldorf early childhood and elementary education. Much of my immersion into the world of education has been channeled into teaching yoga as a way of life to children, teens, families and adults. I have coupled this service with Zen Shiatsu Therapy. It is through these practices that I have had the rare opportunity to share more closely in an amazing array of family cultures and school philosophies.

Over the years, I have been the “local teacher.” I have been invited for dinners, holidays, birthdays, Bar/Bat Mitzvah’s, been a friend and support to many single parents, helped in the care of their children as well as participated in the lives of many families of all kinds. I have had the opportunity to see the full spectrum of raising children to adulthood. As an educator and healing artist, I have been invited to teach yoga in public and private schools as well as clubs and private instruction. These invitations have lasted over the past 13 years, and I have witnessed families transform their lives, and schools adopt more wellness programs for their children, parents and teachers. I have beena part of it all.  This has been and continues to be a most sacred time and experience. I knew that somehow I was already, in my own special way, a mother and am grateful for my unique path. Yet, I have longed for my “own” family as a complete circle of the gift of life.

It said in the teachings of yoga, that the human being’s first teacher is mother, second is father and third is guru. Each time I hold my daughter, I realize that I am her first teacher and she will see in me all the colors of the rainbow. Through my actions, I demonstrate acceptance, joy, love, play and the courage to face the challenges and difficulties that arise out of life. The greatest lesson I have learned thus far, is that there is no perfect formula for motherhood. It is a dialogue that remains open between myself and my daughter. Much of my past years have prepared me to be clear, to observe, to remain humble and above all, serve the child, who is a blossoming human being. No longer a witness, it is my turn and I am so blessed to have been given this right of passage.

Motherhood is a privilege beyond measure that has been

bestowed upon me now that I am 40 years old. The greatest blessing I

could ever wish for came true. Just when I thought that motherhood

might pass me by; I met my husband and now I have my little Jade

Rose.

Now that I am a mother, I realize that I have been “mothering”

ever since I was a young girl. I was born the eldest in my family and

the younger cousins naturally followed my lead. When my mother

remarried, two more brothers came along: one brother at age 11 and the

second at age 13. I became a big part of their care and upbringing.

! In college I studied early childhood education and offered valuable

insights to my mother. She took many of the ideas I shared and found

that they were very helpful in her responsibilities as a parent. This

began my journey over the next twenty years in education and wellness

for families. Because I have been single most of my adult life, all of my

energy has been dedicated towards the service of supporting families

and children of all ages. I have a degree in public school education, am

certified and taught Montessori for many years, and just completed my

M.Ed. in Waldorf early childhood and elementary education. Much of my

immersion into the world of education has been channeled into teaching

yoga as a way of life to children, teens, families and adults. I have

coupled this service with Zen Shiatsu Therapy. It is through these

practices that I have had the rare opportunity to share more closely in

an amazing array of family cultures and school philosophies.

Over the years, I have been the “local teacher.” I have been

invited for dinners, holidays, birthdays, Bar/Bat Mitzvah’s, been a friend

and support to many single parents, helped in the care of their children

as well as participated in the lives of many families of all kinds. I have

had the opportunity to see the full spectrum of raising children to

adulthood. As an educator and healing artist, I have been invited to

teach yoga in public and private schools as well as clubs and private

instruction. These invitations have lasted over the past 13 years, and I

have witnessed families transform their lives, and schools adopt more

wellness programs for their children, parents and teachers. I have been

a part of it all.  This has been and continues to be a most sacred time

and experience. I knew that somehow I was already, in my own special

way, a mother and am grateful for my unique path. Yet, I have longed

for my “own” family as a complete circle of the gift of life.

It said in the teachings of yoga, that the human being’s first

teacher is mother, second is father and third is guru. Each time I hold

my daughter, I realize that I am her first teacher and she will see in me

all the colors of the rainbow. Through my actions, I demonstrate

acceptance, joy, love, play and the courage to face the challenges and

difficulties that arise out of life. The greatest lesson I have learned thus

far, is that there is no perfect formula for motherhood. It is a dialogue

that remains open between myself and my daughter. Much of my past

years have prepared me to be clear, to observe, to remain humble and

above all, serve the child, who is a blossoming human being. No longer a

witness, it is my turn and I am so blessed to have been given this right

of passage.

Tuning in to Kids’ Anger

By Super-Mom, Venus Taylor

When my daughter turned 3, she changed from a sweet, agreeable little angel, into a moody, angry, petulant monster.

OK, it wasn’t that bad, but she did display serious bouts of anger that I did not know how to handle – crying fits over getting dressed up for family pictures, violent screams of “NO!” when asked to put away her toys (which had never been a problem before).

It would have been easy to just see these outbursts as challenges to my authority – opportunities to set her straight about who’s boss.

That’s what my mother would have done.  As much as my mother truly loved me, she was also deeply committed to not raising a spoiled, misbehaving child.  So, if I “acted up,” she “whooped” me.

Although they were well-intended, my mother’s “whoopings” kept me from learning how to express my feelings.  Before I could talk, the only ways I could express that I was upset about something was through crying or tantrums.  That behavior, along with my belief that I had a right to my upset feelings, were beaten out of me.

Even as an adult, I had no mature, productive way of expressing anger, sadness, or disagreement.  I stuffed my feelings down deep, and pasted on a smile just to keep the peace.  Then, periodically, I’d erupt in a violent rage, annihilating whatever relationship seemed to be stifling me.

Underneath my daughter’s outbursts, I sensed a genuine, seething rage.  And for some reason, it seemed directed at me.

Instead of punishing her for her behavior, or enforcing my power over her, I wanted, desperately, to help her find constructive ways to express her feelings.  But how?  I still didn’t know how to handle my own anger, how could I possibly teach her how to handle hers?

Besides, she was only 3.  And, yes, she was a genius (in my humble opinion), but she didn’t seem to know how to tell me what she was feeling.

Until she could develop the language to express her feelings, I at least wanted her to know that I respected her right to have them.  I wanted her to hold on to her anger.  To feel it.  To own it.

I trusted that, as soon as she could, she would be able to use her words to tell me what was going on inside of her.  Until then, I promised myself I would not do anything to shut her anger down or disconnect her from her feelings.

One day, it hit me.  I knew exactly how to give her an outlet for her anger, until she could express it verbally.

I connected a microphone to the boom box in the living room.  I stood her on the coffee table, and played the Alanis Morissette song, “You Oughta Know.”  (It was 1988, and that song was still topping the charts.)  She didn’t know the words (thank goodness, they’re kinda vulgar).  But I had noticed that, riding in the car, she would nail the emotions of the Alanis CD as she sang her own non-sense lyrics.

She sang her angry little heart out, yes she did.  I handed her that microphone anytime she wanted it, and played Alanis, and let her rage into the microphone.

After about 6 months of this, my daughter admitted to me, “Mommy, I don’t like how you always cuddle with Buddy first.”

We practiced the family bed.  When she was the only child, I nursed her to sleep every night.  (God bless my patient husband.)

When her brother was born, she was 2 ½.  Suddenly, I was nursing him to sleep while she would “cuddle my back.”  Then, I would turn around and cuddle with her after her brother fell asleep.

By the time she could tell me this, she was 3 ½.  Her little brother was 1 year old.

I was moved by her sweet sincerity.  Of course, I thought.  She became angry with me soon after he was born.  And why wouldn’t she?  I took the nursing and the cuddling away from her and gave it to him.

That night, we began “Taking Turns.”  Each night (until she turned 7, and quit the family bed), we would alternate who got first cuddle.  From then on, her outbursts ceased.  No kidding.

Today, she is 15.  And she is the sweetest, most agreeable, angelic teenager you could ever know.  And when she’s upset about something, she trusts that I will listen with an open heart…even as she struggles to find the words.

I feel like I have given her the gift ownership over her feelings.  They are hers.  She has a right to them – whether they inconvenience me or not.  And she will have healthier adult relationships because she knows how to express them constructively.

Read more stories and get more parenting tips in Becoming the Mom I Wish I’d Had: How to Heal Yourself and Your Family Through HEART-Based Parenting.

Also, check out the Family Healing Institute, for workshops and relationship coaching for families in pain.

Super-Mom Meredith Hansens

My name is Meredith and I am Super StepMom to a wonderful 12 year old boy, Ryan.  I have known Ryan since he was 3.  All of us know how challenging and rewarding parenting can be.  Add that four letter word into the mix, though, and there is a palpable shift.  Not necessarily a bad shift, but a shift just the same.  What does the title “Stepmother” bring to mind?  Visions of poor Cinderella locked in her room unable to attend the ball?  Hansel and Gretel being sent off into the woods on a food gathering expedition?    Unfortunately one rarely hears the term without the word “Wicked” in front of it.  But I am here to (hopefully!!!) set the record straight!

I’ll be honest; it’s not an easy job!  Being a Stepmom remains one of the biggest sources of education, joy and yes, on occasion, stress in my life.  It can be very trying and there is a lot of scrutiny from the outside world-due largely to the stereotypes and negative connotations that are associated with the term “Stepmother”.  Yoga has taught me so much about how to be a better partner and parent.  By finding more compassion for myself through my practice I am in a better position to offer that to those around me, especially my family.  Going back and forth between two very different households, one in the city (ours), one in the country (Ryan’s mom and stepdad’s), can be a real strain in a child’s life.  Two homes, two sets of rules and expectations.  Having done it myself for most of my life growing up, I know what it’s like for Ryan.  It’s a very important detail that we share in common.

My husband and I strive to make this difficult situation for his son a positive experience and a time that Ryan looks forward to.  I know we have succeeded when I see the excitement on his face over a trip to the Boston Public Library or the news that we are “just going to hang around in Boston” today.  I love that he loves the Freedom Trail and occasionally refers to himself as a “City Kid”.  My singing career exposes him to many things that he might not otherwise have in his life-costumes and dressing rooms and rehearsals and shows and lots of music.  The flip side of that is that there are occasions when I have to miss things in his life due to performances or audition trips to New York.  I’d like to think that Ryan’s life is enriched by my presence and that he will always know that he has a friend in me.

Ryan still muses from time to time about the fact that his dad and mom’s marriage didn’t work out.  But he readily acknowledges that all happens for a reason and with the way things are now he gets double the attention and love from the 4 parents (Biological and Step) in his life.  And more love can only be a good thing!