When my 13 year-old, Madison, was a toddler, I said to her over and over again as she ate her snacks and meals, “Bottom in the chair!”

And over and over again, she’d pop out of her chair and start moving about, busy as all little toddlers are.

With Sagey, now six, the same thing while she was a toddler, “Bottom in the chair, honey!”

Yet she’d still get up outta that chair and move about.

Phoenix just turned four.  As I was saying this very same phrase to him about a month ago, I noticed, to my surprise, that Super-mom herself was…not eating with HER bottom in the chair.  In fact, (gasp!) I was eating standing up at the counter.

Now I gots five kids Super-people, and so you KNOW why I was standin up.   It was only a matter of seconds before I would need to get up from the chair to get something/help someone/wait on someone, etc.  So why even bother sitting down?

Well!  This is why.

How’s my child ever going to put his/her bottom in the chair and eat sitting down if Mommy is eating standing up?

How did I ever expect my child to do the opposite of what I was doing?  We all know that kids do what we DO, not what we SAY. 

And how on earth did it take me all these years to notice this?

HUGE LOL.

That was Super-mom having a good laugh—at herself.

Not with judgment or frustration or even embarrassment (well, maybe just a little).

Just a good laugh for laughing’s sake.

How many times have I written or thought or said to walk your talk?

More times than I can recall.

Was I walkin my talk at meal and snack time?

Not even close.
Can I see this now and admit it and learn from it?
Absolutely!

And share it wit all my Sisters out there, too, because girlfriends, this is how we learn and grow and transform and…have a good laugh. 

We all have “that” thing—that thing that is our button or our “blind spot.”  Or, perhaps we have many…but we all got at least one.

So ask yourself right now Sister, “Where am I not walking my talk?  And why?”

And then get quiet and listen.

Awareness is key, and even if you’re super aware, or think you are, there are always places you can learn and grow.  We all can!  And that’s the fun part. The learning, the growing, the transforming.

One way to cultivate the awareness, the open-ness to feedback, the ability to see what you are looking at:  get on your yoga mat.  Often.

One of my very first yoga teachers, now a dear friend, used to say while he taught, “I see what I am looking at.”

For the life of me, I never understood what he meant.

Now I do.    (Thanks Rolf!)

So ask yourself, Super-people, “where am I not walking my talk and why?”

And when the answer comes, and it will, be compassionate and gentle with yourself.  Be kind to you.

It’s all just learning.

It’s just the path.

And it’s supposed to be fun.

So lighten up.  Laugh more.  Appreciate more.  All is well.

And get yo’ bottom in the chair the next time you eat. 

March 10, 2011:  Sage:  “If you think about it, everything is day, there is no night.  A day has 24 hours.  It goes from 12am to 12am.  So even at 9, it is still the same day.  It’s not night.”

March 8, 2011:  Phoenix to me, “You’re my best friend.  And I everyone best friend.”

March 3, 2011:  Phoenix:  “Babies the winner, and you the winner, and I the winner.  Everybody the winner . . . except the bad guys.”

Feb 28, 2011:  Philippe is changing a light bulb in Sagey and Phoenix’s room.  Phoenix says, “Papa puttin in a new eyeball.”

February 27, 2011:

Supermom:  ”How was Sagey’s soccer clinic Phoenix?”

Phoenix:  ”Good.  It was in a bubble.  But it didn’t pop.”  (It was in the BC sports bubble)

February 26, 2011:  Phoenix:  ”Montana was lying down like a snowflake.”

Feb 20, 2011:  Philippe was interrupting Phoenix, so Phoenix said, “Papa, stop saying words.”

February 16, 2011:

Sagey:  “I don’t pick like Madison.  Someone just talks to her and she says:  ‘They are my friend.’”

Philippe:  “How do you pick friends, Sage?”

Sagey:  “I choose wisely.”

February 15, 2011:  Phoenix (going to the mall):  “I have four dollars, so I can buy anything.”

February 13, 2011:

Sagey:  ”Wait, is there school tomorrow?”

Supermom:  ”Yep.”

Sagey:  ”What?! On Valentine’s Day?!  What are mainstream people thinking?”

February 8, 2011:

Supermom:  “Phoenix it’s time for your bath.”

Phoenix:  ”I not hungry.”

February 8, 2011:

Sagey comes down to tell us that once again, Madison and her friends are not letting her in their room.

Phoenix says helpfully, “It’s because they don’t want you.”

January 31, 2011:

Sagey:  ”I know where those kids are going (referring to a big group of kids walking down the snowy sidewalk).”

Supermom:  ”Where?”

Sagey:  ”To the Y after school program.”

Phoenix:  ”No, they goin to jail.”

Supermom:  ”What’s jail?”

Phoenix:  ”I don’t know.”

Supermom:  ”Who told you about jail?”

Phoenix:  ”My cars.”

Supermom:  ”Your cars talk to you?”

Phoenix with a big smile:  ”Yaaaaah.”

January 17, 2011:

It’s snowing and the stairs outside are covered with snow.  Phoenix says,  “The stairs are melted.  We can slide down the stairs!”

January 15, 2011:

Philippe told Phoenix, “You’re four today, it’s your birthday.”

Phoenix replies, “I 3 and 3 quarters.  When my friends come here is my birthday.”

ABC News has Moms testing products for them on air.  Brilliant!  About time we ask the people who actually buy and use the products if they’re worth the dough.

One thing they tested, and unanimously loved was the “new wave oven.”  You heard me right, not “micro” but “new” wave.  It cooks stuff…real fast.  ”So does a microwave,” you say accurately.  But the new wave cooks like an actual oven but with wicked fast speed–roasts, pizzas, soufflés, etc.

I don’t work for new wave, nor have I ever tried it, my question is, instead of continuing to create better faster products (which is great!  Rock on!), when are we going to learn to slow down and just be?

Now anyone who knows me knows I’m a person of massive action, so this may sound odd coming from Supermom. But hear me out. There’s a difference between acting from alignment and excitement and joy and inspiration and acting from anxiety and stress and fear.  I know Sisters because I spent about three decades doing the latter.

So better n faster?  Rock on!  But where are you operating from?

A reader wrote this comment:

“Just finished reading the nine-part series in the Herald. Wow. Big changes. And, as someone who inhabited the same prison, for almost a decade, and who ever since has refused to assign labels to my eating (if pressed, I’ll say “plant-centric, planet friendly” but there’s no “no” list), I have so much to say in response.

[I've also gotta say that as far as I'm concerned you can double post away! I have the best intentions of reading your blog on Boston Herald, but I don't get to it often enough.]

I think the raw vegan diet is amazing and I am so happy to have discovered it upon my return from Brazil in 2007. I have the most sensitive digestive system on the planet, and eating “mostly raw” “mostly vegan” and “mostly gluten free” has cured me of all digestive ailments. That said, key word is “mostly.” I was never 100% raw because that would have meant for me a life without frosting (I know, there’s raw frosting, but I like the frosting at Baby Cakes), and hummus (I like my chickpeas cooked, not sprouted!), and the occasional Dogfish Head IPA.

Anyway, my diet’s still mostly raw, and I’m big on knowing where my food comes from (I abhor factory farming!). But, when I describe how I eat to people I say, “whatever I want, whenever I want it, in whatever quantities I want.”

Kudos to you!”

Thanks so much for your post. I love your words!

I love your quote too, and it’s similar to my mantra:  “I eat anything and everything that I want and as much as I want whenever I want.”
Talk about FREEDOM!

Perhaps for some, like you n me, it takes going to the “other” edge (i.e. total restriction, the prison known as an eating disorder) to fully embrace this free eating lifestyle.  And feel utter and complete gratitude for it.  And for some perhaps it’s just there all along.  They never go to the other edge.  They are blessed with this ease and total freedom always.

And for those who haven’t found this total freedom yet and still live in a prison regarding food or perhaps their negative thoughts or other such prisons, I say, there is hope!  Set an intention and start right now, doing your best with breath.  You can do this.  And I’m rootin for ya.

Last week I wrote about laughter.  There’s more to the story.

So read “laughter” first from last week if ya haven’t already, and then read this.

We made it to Newton Centre and bam!  The cupcake making place was….closed.  Outta business. We all stood there, with mouths wide open.

“It only just opened 3 months ago!” Sagey exclaimed.  I too was puzzled.  And sad. For my kids and for the owners.

Sagey pipes in, “That’s ok mommy.  I feel more like ice cream anyway because it’s so hot. Let’s go to JP licks.  It’s a universe thing!”

In comes gratitude.

That my daughter has the gift of the ability to find the best in any situation.  A gift that will serve her all the days of her life, and keep giving back to her.

That we were blessed enough to experience our restaurant adventure for 2 years before we ultimately decided the restaurant business isn’t our dharma.

For the beautiful day and walk with my children and my healthy energized body and my children and…JP licks.

I was walking to Newton Centre with my four youngest kids, on a mission to make cupcakes. There’s a place there where you can make your own!  Plus they sell a buncha cupcake paraphernalia that Supermom just loves. I’ve loved cupcakes–the visual, not so much the taste–for as long as I can remember.  It’s a super happy thing for me. My kids n I draw em often.

It’s a 30 minute walk each way and I was pushing the twins in a double stroller. Sagey, age 7, was pushing Phoenix, age 4.

My kids are good sports so I was surprised to hear Sagey begin to complain.  “I’m tired. It’s hot,” etc. On and on it went. I kept focusing on the positive–the sky, the grass, the cupcake decorating coming soon–when Phoenix, being pushed in the stroller, said, “I not tired at all!”

Sagey and I laughed so hard that she forgot that she was tired.

Laughter is the great distracter and healer. And it’s free and available to you 24/7. Go get you some.

Funniest Quotes so far from The 5 Wells Kids:

January 9, 2011:

It’s Super-mom’s last day of the Prana Cleanse.  She’s very hungry since she’s had only green juice for four days and is nursing the twins. Sagey says, “If I were doing the Cleanse, I would take two sips.  That would be MY cleanse.”

January 5, 2011:

Philippe is dropping Sage off for her first young illustrators’ class, with all the other first graders.  Phoenix wants to go in, and he tells him it’s not for him.  Phoenix asks, “Is it just for old people?”

January 5, 2011:

Philippe is walking past the bathroom, and Phoenix is inside, telling his stories: “I not Big Bird.”

December 28, 2010:

Supermom at Target with Madison, Sagey, and Phoenix shopping the 50% off Christmas decoration stuff aisle for next year.  She gets quite a few large ornaments for the trees in the yard and when she wheels the cart up to Madison and Sagey who were in the Juniors Department checking out clothes, both Madison and Sagey’s mouths drop open. Sagey says, “I was like, my Mom is a minimalist.  She doesn’t like to shop.  She doesn’t buy stuff.  What is THAT?  Did she change her personality?”

December 28, 2010:  Phoenix and Sagey are up late on the computer when they should have been in bed.  Philippe says, “Sage, you should know better.”  Phoenix asks, “Is I know better?”

December 24, 2010:  Phoenix is opening Madison’s present and says, “But it can’t be a book.”

November 30, 2010:  Phoenix:  “I’m going to play catch … and I so good at it.”

November 27 2010:  Sagey said, “Mommy, there are too many presents!” (Under the Christmas tree)

November 25, 2010:

Thanksgiving.  Phoenix:  “I thankful for everything . . . and the yoga.”

November 24, 2010:  Phoenix was cutting paper with scissors and Super-mom said to be mindful and careful.  Phoenix responded, “Ya, because if I cut my fingers, I’ll have to get new ones, right?”

November 5, 2010 P:  Phoenix playing with his cars.  The cars are saying this to each other:  ”Whatever….” (You know you’re living with a teenager when.)

October 28, 2010:  Phoenix about ghosting:  “Is I weird?”

October 27, 2010:  I asked Phoenix to brush his teeth and put his jammies on.  He said (as he was bouncing on his bed), “I busy.”

October 22, 2010:  Sage wants to write a book like Diary of a Wimpy Kid.  She says her book will be:  “Diary of a Happy Kid.”

October 20, 2010:  Phoenix said (after I told him I was 3), “You not three, you twenty-one.”

October 16, 2010:  Phoenix asked where he was when Sagey was little.  I said he was still out in the Universe.  Phoenix said, “I love the Universe.”

October 16, 2010:  Phoenix asked me what I am going to be for Halloween.  I said Spiderman (he’s going to be that).  He said, “No, what is you going to be, Taxi Driver?”

September 30, 2010:  Phoenix:  “One day ago, I is getting married.” (One day before our niece Chelsea’s wedding).

September 29, 2010:  Phoenix used the word frashile for the first time today.  He wanted to take the Eiffel tower (actually the Sankaty lighthouse) upstairs.  I told him to be careful.  He said, “Why?  Because it frashile?”

September 29, 2010:  I’m trying on fancy dresses I borrowed from Jene to wear to our niece’s wedding.  Sagey says excitedly, “Mom is the most beautiful, the most beautiful, the most beautiful, she’s ever been!”

It was a big day today. Our twins started preschool.

I remember when Madison, now 14, started at JAMS, the toddler preschool in Waban, Mass where we’ve sent all 5 of our kiddos.  It really seems like yesterday.  I’ve heard it said that the days are long but the years are short…but my days fly by too, so wow, yeah, enjoy it Supermoms.  All of it. Even the seemingly mundane moments.  Like the sixty minutes Philippe and I spent filling out paperwork at JAMS this morning.  I’m actually not exaggerating.  It was an hour, and we were writing the whole time.

As I was filling out the same questions over and over again on page after page I was mindful to be aware of my breath and on every inhale I inhaled golden white light.  On every exhale I exhaled stuck energy.  I let my thoughts wander to Madison and Sagey and Phoenix’s first days at jams. To my labor with the twins. To the present moment, their first day of school.

Last night at bedtime as we surrounded the twins with golden white light in their crib and called in the reiki, Madison asked, “Mom, are you sad that after tomorrow the twins will go to school forever?”  (LOL)

“Nope,” I responded.  “I’m grateful and joyful that they are healthy and happy and strong and developing beautifully.”

Notice where you are resisting today and shift your mind to something positive.  It’s a discipline, a practice.  It’s there if ya look for it.  Make it your dominant intention that all day today you will look for things that make you feel good.

Even if it’s the fact that Philippe spent an hour doing preschool paper work.  Perhaps the first man in history to do so.

A reader wrote this:

“Hi Taylor – Loving the latest posts, both on Best Life Ever and Super Mom!  Two questions – has Philippe also relinquished the raw vegan approach?  I ask because my partner and I have vastly different eating habits – I’m a salad/veggie/tofu kind of girl and he’s a steak bomb with extra mayo kind of guy.  I sometimes find it tough to make different meals and once in a while (okay, a little more often than that), find myself eating something that doesn’t really feel right to me.  Second question -not sure how to phrase this, so I’ll just put it out there.  Does trading in such a restrictive lifestyle ever make you feel “less special?”  I suffered from anorexia for about 6 years when I was younger – when I finally gave it up, I felt a lot of the things you described, “free”!  I can eat a slice of pizza and it’s okay.  There were a lot of good feelings, but also a sense of loss.  The restrictive eating had become part of my identity, even though I knew that it wasn’t necessarily healthy, it made me feel stronger and lighter.  I know you described the raw vegan lifestyle as having some of those same benefits, even though you approached it from a place of health and light, not darkness as in my case.  But you must have had some moments – like at Disneyworld – when you thought that you were “better” than other people for having the strength and discipline to make the sacrifices that a raw vegan lifestyle required.  I don’t mean that in a critical or negative way, it’s just the most honest way that I can think to put it!”

Thanks for the comment and excellent question.

I have actually felt “special” and “different” for as long as I can remember, but not in a narcissistic (LOL) way, but just as a matter of fact. Not good or bad or better or worse.  Just it is what it is.

I now understand this from a metaphysical and spiritual place like this. Everyone feels “special” and “different” at birth. That’s why every baby takes your breath away and even the angriest “hater” will crack a smile when in the presence of a little “popper,” as we’ve all nicknamed our babies and all babies (LOL).

But with time and life and socialization, kids begin to forget. To forget that they are indeed special and different. Yet totally connected to all as well.

So why didn’t this happen to me?  My theory is that the “socialization” that happened in our house was so off, so not me, that I totally and completely rejected it. I said to myself over and over again, “that is not me. I am light. I know who I am. And one day I’ll be outta here and free.”

Concurrent with feelings of difference, I’ve always felt incredibly connected with others and super social and loved being with people and helping them if they so asked, and girl they always have. I joked on my masters and doctoral program apps that I’d been a shrink my whole life, I’d just never had the “official degrees” so I wanted to seal the deal.

They accepted me.

I totally get what you’re saying about the specialness and subsequent judgment because I worked with clients with eating disorders for years when working clinically, and they described this often.

I didn’t at all think you sounded harsh or critical by the way sister.

While at places like Disneyworld by the way I would usually feel triumphant that I could finesse both worlds concurrently, that was my focus, as well as its a small world.

So the letting go of the label for me has just been a huge sense of relief and freedom and confidence that this is the right thing for my family and me.  And yes, Philippe also let go of the label, so supermom ain’t makin more than one meal per mealtime for our party of seven. . But I hear ya sister because when I was married to Madison’s dad, I made three meals for the three of us.  So I been there!

I received this sweet email from a reader:

“Taylor,

We haven’t met, but this thanksgiving I am thankful for you!  I am a regular reader of Supermom (best part of a Monday) and now your “best life ever” blog on the herald site. I am a mother of 2 sweet little boys (ages 3 and 2) who remind me every day to be present   and live in the moment. The other “stuff” (cooking, cleaning, laundry, paying bills, etc) will get done too, but what really matters is enjoying the company of those you love and not taking a single minute for granted. I am so grateful for my health and the health and happiness of those I love. Some days are easier than others, but thanks to your writing, when I need a little “mommy time out” you are always there with a positive uplifting message. As you have said (I think it was u!) feeling peaceful is a skill and I am able to practice that skill by reading your words every day. So thank you for being you and spreading your light. It is much appreciated by people like me who have never met u but feel like we know u because we connect with your message. Keep it coming sista!

Lots of love to u and ur “plus 5″

Namaste!”

First off, I gotta say that reading this email brought tears to my eyes, because THIS is why I write.  Period.

So much gratitude to and for you, Sister, and your thoughtful and heart-felt words.

Next, I gotta say, if I may so bold to do so (and you KNOW I am and will be—LOL), that it’s OK and so normal and on the path of a SUPERMOM to sometimes look the other way when your adorable and perfect and wonderful and amazing and legendary in every way toddler or wee one is doing something and wants you to look and be present, but ya just gotta get something done in that moment (gasp!).

Oh girl, yeah, it’s not only OK…it’s actually good!  (I’m sayin “girl” to all of you reading this–not just the reader who wrote me).

I now have five kids, spanning ages 1-14 and so I can SEE with my own two eyes that my 14-year-old don’t remember all the moments that I hadda get something done but didn’t (and stayed up late that night after she went to sleep to do so instead) because I had to be the “perfect” Mom (as many a Supermom gasps because because she knows there ain’t no such thing.)

I tried so hard to do it all “right” and be “perfect” for my little girl, and so I wanna help some of you first time Supermoms out there to not be so damn hard on yo-selves, as I was on myself.

Your kiddo will be just FINE, if you take that call, cook that meal, do that load of laundry, type that email, sit down for a sec and rest yo weary feet.

IN FACT, I will argue that your child will be even happier and more grounded and better suited to do his or her thang in this big world of ours, learning that he or she needs to wait sometimes.  That it ain’t ALWAYS 100% totally and completely about him or her.     We can all be do and have whatever we want, but there’s a path, and sometimes it don’t happen in EXACTLY the way we wanted it to and/or envisioned it.  And that’s OK.

Now I DIDN’T teach this to my first-born, until her little sister Sagey was born (and my first-born was then six and a half).  At that point I was nursing or changing a diap or whatever and just COULDN’T play princesses with her at that very moment.  It’s just the way it was.  When I could, I was absolutely present with her and enjoyed her amazing presence, and am to this day—with all of my plus 5.  But there are times when it just ain’t the path.  It just ain’t possible.  This is real life.  This is the path.  And it’s OK.

Now I notice that my lovely fourteen year old (first-born child) sometimes STILL wants ALL the attention, even though we now have five kiddos, including twin 19 month olds.  This could be because she’s a teen or it could be, well, that I TRAINED her to be that way.    I joke with her about this sometimes.  I say, “Do you remember that time when I schlepped you to the Swan Boats when it was wicked hot out and we did the whole Boston thing and the Make Way for Ducklings thing and then got lunch and then ice cream and then played in the park?  “No Mom,” she replies quickly, “But can you drive me to the mall?”

So relax Supermoms.  Yes, what you do matters.  It does it does it does.  So much.  But don’t try to be perfect and don’t’ beat yo-selves up.  Please.  You gonna teach your brood so much more by bein real and honest and loving and kind and calm and patient and makin mistakes and beginning again and laughing and smiling and sometimes sayin, “Sorry hon, I can’t look right now or I can’t play right now or I can’t make you a snack this red hot minute… because I just have to do this.  Please wait your turn.”

And still your amazingly wonderful child will be just that, amazingly wonderful.