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Archive for November, 2011

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”


“Some parents could do more for their children by not doing so much for them”

I received this sweet email from a reader:



We haven’t met, but this thanksgiving I am thankful for you!  I am a regular reader of Supermom (best part of a Monday) and now your “best life ever” blog on the herald site. I am a mother of 2 sweet little boys (ages 3 and 2) who remind me every day to be present   and live in the moment. The other “stuff” (cooking, cleaning, laundry, paying bills, etc) will get done too, but what really matters is enjoying the company of those you love and not taking a single minute for granted. I am so grateful for my health and the health and happiness of those I love. Some days are easier than others, but thanks to your writing, when I need a little “mommy time out” you are always there with a positive uplifting message. As you have said (I think it was u!) feeling peaceful is a skill and I am able to practice that skill by reading your words every day. So thank you for being you and spreading your light. It is much appreciated by people like me who have never met u but feel like we know u because we connect with your message. Keep it coming sista!


Lots of love to u and ur “plus 5″ :)





First off, I gotta say that reading this email brought tears to my eyes, because THIS is why I write.  Period.

So much gratitude to and for you, Sister, and your thoughtful and heart-felt words.


Next, I gotta say, if I may so bold to do so (and you KNOW I am and will be—LOL), that it’s OK and so normal and on the path of a SUPERMOM to sometimes look the other way when your adorable and perfect and wonderful and amazing and legendary in every way toddler or wee one is doing something and wants you to look and be present, but ya just gotta get something done in that moment (gasp!).

Oh girl, yeah, it’s not only OK…it’s actually good!  (I’m sayin “girl” to all of you reading this–not just the reader who wrote me).


I now have five kids, spanning ages 1-14 and so I can SEE with my own two eyes that my 14-year-old don’t remember all the moments that I hadda get something done but didn’t (and stayed up late that night after she went to sleep to do so instead) because I had to be the “perfect” Mom (as many a Supermom gasps because because she knows there ain’t no such thing.)


I tried so hard to do it all “right” and be “perfect” for my little girl, and so I wanna help some of you first time Supermoms out there to not be so damn hard on yo-selves, as I was on myself.

Your kiddo will be just FINE, if you take that call, cook that meal, do that load of laundry, type that email, sit down for a sec and rest yo weary feet.

IN FACT, I will argue that your child will be even happier and more grounded and better suited to do his or her thang in this big world of ours, learning that he or she needs to wait sometimes.  That it ain’t ALWAYS 100% totally and completely about him or her.  ;)    We can all be do and have whatever we want, but there’s a path, and sometimes it don’t happen in EXACTLY the way we wanted it to and/or envisioned it.  And that’s OK.


Now I DIDN’T teach this to my first-born, until her little sister Sagey was born (and my first-born was then six and a half).  At that point I was nursing or changing a diap or whatever and just COULDN’T play princesses with her at that very moment.  It’s just the way it was.  When I could, I was absolutely present with her and enjoyed her amazing presence, and am to this day—with all of my plus 5.  But there are times when it just ain’t the path.  It just ain’t possible.  This is real life.  This is the path.  And it’s OK.


Now I notice that my lovely fourteen year old (first-born child) sometimes STILL wants ALL the attention, even though we now have five kiddos, including twin 19 month olds.  This could be because she’s a teen or it could be, well, that I TRAINED her to be that way.  ;)   I joke with her about this sometimes.  I say, “Do you remember that time when I schlepped you to the Swan Boats when it was wicked hot out and we did the whole Boston thing and the Make Way for Ducklings thing and then got lunch and then ice cream and then played in the park?  “No Mom,” she replies quickly, “But can you drive me to the mall?”


So relax Supermoms.  Yes, what you do matters.  It does it does it does.  So much.  But don’t try to be perfect and don’t’ beat yo-selves up.  Please.  You gonna teach your brood so much more by bein real and honest and loving and kind and calm and patient and makin mistakes and beginning again and laughing and smiling and sometimes sayin, “Sorry hon, I can’t look right now or I can’t play right now or I can’t make you a snack this red hot minute… because I just have to do this.  Please wait your turn.”


And still your amazingly wonderful child will be just that, amazingly wonderful.



“The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children.”

Duke of Windsor

“I do not need anyone’s permission to be my true self.”

Jonathan Lockwood Huie

“Allow the world to live as it chooses, and allow yourself to live as you choose.”

Richard Bach

“I don’t care what people think or say about me, I know who I am.”

Jonathan Davis

“Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

Dr. Seuss

“The greatest step towards a life of simplicity is to learn to let go.”

Steve Maraboli

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Super-Mom Betsy Parsons:

I expected motherhood to change me.  How could it not?  Everything was new.  But what I didn’t expect was that motherhood would strip me bare – drop me to rock bottom – force me to face that I had lost myself – demand that I pick up the shattered bits of me and piece myself back together.  It was all at once brutal and gratifying.  I am grateful for all of it.  I have learned who I am and how great my support system is.  I learned how absolutely wonderful my husband is, what a fantastic dad he is, and what a loving and supportive family surround us.  It’s not just me who is a super mom.  It’s my husband, my mom and dad, and my mother and father-in-law who make up this super family.  Each one of us plays an important role. Life is a tremendous gift, and we were all starkly reminded of that during the first six weeks of my daughter’s life. We almost lost her.  The first six weeks of her life were spent in the NICU.  She was a full term baby but a very sick one.  After she came home, every milestone was carefully watched.   She thrived.  And I almost missed it because I was worried about what could be wrong.  It was 9 months later when I started to splinter apart.  She was walking and I was cracking – emotions needed to be expressed.  I needed to feel again.  Not surprising, but I hadn’t been taking care of myself.  I was just trying to make it through a minute, then an hour, and a full day.  I wasn’t taking care of myself.  I wasn’t sleeping well.  I was sleepwalking.  I rationalized that all of this was well within a first-time mom response (ha!).   Eventually, I was diagnosed with PTSD and got help.  I began to piece myself back together.  It took another full year for me to hear the stirrings of my voice.  It’s been over two years, and just recently I realized that I am whole again.  I experienced such joy in finding myself.    I had really missed me!  But losing myself and finding an improved version had taken hold – makes me so grateful for the journey.  It has allowed me freedom to be myself, to slow down and enjoy the moments of motherhood, to rely on my family to play significant roles raising my daughter, to trust, and to embrace the unexpected.  It’s often what I need most!  I’m so thankful for my super family – including my husband who is embracing his role as stay-at-home dad!  Collectively, we’re a super team with a super daughter.