“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”
-Mother Theresa

“We can never judge others.  It’s one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it’s another to think that yours is the only path.”
-Paul Coelho

“Let the refining and improving of your own life keep you so busy that you have little time to criticize others.”
-H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

“There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:  This is me damn it!  i look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love!  I am a whole complex package.  Take me…or leave me.  Accept me–or walk away!  Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don’t fit your idea of who I should be and don’t try to change me to fit your mold.  If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.  When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad–you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.”
-Stacey Charter (Copyright 2000 Stacey Charter)

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”  -Dr. Suess

Our one-year-old son, Phoenix, is very attached to me. If he even senses that I may be thinking about leaving the room, he runs up next to me with arms outstretched and begins to make a soft, deep moaning sound. My husband calls him my “bodyguard,” as he accompanies me into the bathroom.

We usually tag team with our kids. When I teach, my husband watches the kids and when he teaches, I do. When we teach at the same time, which is rare, we ask one of our Prana Power Yoga teaching staff to play with our kids while we’re gone. This is easily done, since we only hire people to teach for us whom we would leave our children with. It doesn’t matter how well they know asana, the flow, and anatomy, if I can’t visualize them with Madison, Sage and Phoenix, it’s a no-go. It’s the best screening process ever!! The few times I did not utilize it and my mind got in the way, the fit and energy just wasn’t there.

One morning as we were leaving to teach our Prana Power Yoga Training together, I handed Phoenix to Kristin, and he was fine—no fuss, no drama, no separation anxiety. I was amazed. Our four-year-old Sage, always the honest and blunt one, piped in: “Kristin…Phoenix likes you better than he likes Papa!! He cries when Mommy gives him to Papa!!”

I cringed.

“Poor Philippe,” I thought. “He must be so hurt.”

I glanced over at my husband, busily preparing to leave for training, and he was not phased. “Did he not hear that?” I wondered.

In the car, I inquired. “Did that hurt your feelings?” I asked.

“What?” Philippe asked.

“What Sagey said to Kristin—did that hurt your feelings?” I continued.

“Oh, no. Not at all.” He said honestly.

I was amazed. He was not at all fazed by what Sagey had said.

“How can that not hurt his feelings?” I wondered. I knew that had Sagey said that to me, it would have hurt.

I was talking with my friend about this yesterday. She was saying that the same type of thing will happen at their house and she’ll ask her husband if it hurts his feelings and he’ll say (honestly) “No, not at all.”

We decided that it is, once again, different wiring. Most* men and women are wired differently in this and other things as well, as you may have noticed on your path.

Like crumbs on the counter. My husband is great and he and I share many of the household duties, but there are just things that he just doesn’t see. I’m convinced of this, because it’s the only explanation.

Why else would crumbs and little spills (both liquid and sticky) lie on the counter and the kitchen table for an eternity—until Mommy wipes them up (I’ve waited to see if they get wiped without me doing so–and they don’t).

Why would laundry—done and folded by my husband—sit on the dining room table for weeks—until Mommy puts it away (I’ve waited to see if it gets put away—and it doesn’t).

Why would clutter remain where it likes to live forever—until Mommy finds a new and more organized home for it (I’ve waited to see if an organized home is found for it—and it isn’t).

It’s different wiring. They just don’t see it and/or it doesn’t phase or bother them. Similarly, it doesn’t faze them when the Sagey/Phoenix incident happens.

I like to think of it this way, too, because it’s a way to see how different we all are, and how we all have different strengths, focuses, and views on the world. Even someone with whom I am so in sync on most everything.

So the next time you are frustrated or confused by someone’s different response or lack thereof to a situation or the fact that they don’t see or notice things that you do, remember that it may simply be a wiring issue. It’s so much more enjoyable to let them be who they are and be who you are than to judge–and suffer. And remind yourself that it’s a beautiful thing that we’re all so different–it makes life fun and interesting.

*There are of course exceptions to this statement. I am simply stating a general observation that my friends and I have noticed day to day.

“When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.”

-Wayne Dyer

“Life flows on within you and without you.”

-George Harrison

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.

-Buddha

“Flow with whatever is happening and let your mind be free.  Stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing.  This is the ultimate.”  -Chuang Tzu